Does God Hate Divorce?
It has been
long held by religious people that God hates divorce based on an inaccurate
interpretation of Malachi 2:16, as well as verses in Matthew and Mark. So in this article, we'd like to take a
real hard look at this question.
When I first heard this, I was married and I was in a pretty bad
marriage, but in my mind, divorce wasn’t an option. So I wanted to find this notorious piece of scripture where
a loving God says that he hates divorce.
At the time, my favorite version of the bible, the New Century Version
wasn’t available, so I did a web search and found the suspect verse:
“For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith
that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith
the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not
treacherously.”
(Malachi 2:16 KJVS)
Most other
versions including some of my favorite translations, render the Hebrew word translated in the KJV as “putting away”, as
“divorce”. Now I know already that
most religious people would stop reading here and decide that this article is seeking
a way to give people a free license to divorce their spouses at will, when this
is not the point of this article at all.
However, I will stand by the three basic points of this article:
1. According to Malachi 2:16, God DOES NOT HATE divorce. It should be noted that divorce is
defined as “the legal dissolution of a marriage.”
2. God DOES hate putting away, and specifically putting away, or
separating/leaving your spouse to marry someone else; as well as marrying someone who is “put away”.
3. AND in the SAME VERSE, GOD hates abusive spouses. That’s what the whole “covereth
violence with the garment” thing means (i.e. punching your wife in the face and
trying to hide it.) It really is a
shame to really hate someone enough to physically beat them.
Now do these
points give spouses who hate their significant other right now free course to
rush down to the courthouse to file divorce papers? NO. There are still really good, firm, biblical
reasons for divorce. But since
there are reasons for divorce that God is pretty clear on, it would seem to
continue to contradict the notion that God hates divorce. How can an almighty, all-knowing, God
hate a thing and then give provisions for it and even in some cases, command
divorce.
The purpose
of this article is to clear up misconceptions about divorce and remarriage
while freeing up a few bound Christians who want to serve God who may have gone
through a divorce, but somehow feel that God may not be pleased with them since
in their minds, God hates divorce.
So, repeat
this after me. God does not hate divorce, God does not hate divorce.
Sure it sounds like heresy at first when you look at it from a religious
point of view, but let us study to show ourselves approved and then we won’t
have a reason to be ashamed. A lot of Christians and non-Christians
alike, believe the assertion that God hates divorce based on most bible renderings
of Malachi 2:16. However the verse should read that God hates
"putting away" or “separation”. The term putting away is NOT
the same as divorce. The transliteration of the Hebrew word used there is
"shalach" which is different from the Hebrew word that is used for
"divorce" or "divorcement" which is "krythuwth".
In the New Testament, which was originally written in Greek, we see the
word "apuluo" which means "put away", and the word
"apostasion" for divorce.
After
studying the texts involved in context, you'll find that God hates it when men
(or women) send their spouses away or put their spouses out of their houses (or
today we'd say "separate") to fool around with someone else without
legally dissolving the marriage covenant with their spouse. We
all know that to do this is adultery no matter how you look at it.
Most
Christians have been taught that the only reason one can get a divorce is if
there is an unfaithful spouse.
However, when we look at this idea more closely in biblical times, we
see that if adultery was the green light for divorce, it was kinda redundant
since the penalty for adultery was death.
In other words, if my wife and I lived in bible days, and I cheated, she
wouldn’t have to worry about divorce and remarriage because I AND the woman I
cheated with would be stoned to death.
I make the
distinction between "putting away" and "divorce" because
the Greek and Hebrew texts seem to make the same distinctions. However, it
looks like a lot of translators, religious philosophers, theologians,
pastors and teachers, don't make the distinction. I believe based on
this assertion, that this is the crux of the message of what God said in
Malachi 2:16: dating and having deep
relationships with people who were separated and not legally divorced is what
he hates, in which case is still called adultery to this day.
So if some
how you are in an abusive relationship and friends and family are trying to
make it seem like you can't legally get a divorce and move on with your life
without being in adultery, feel free to comment below. Jesus didn't come
to condemn the world, but to save it from its own destruction.
What exactly did Jesus say?
Now lets
take a look at what Jesus said in direct response to questions by the Pharisees
who were trying to get Jesus to say something in direct contradiction to the
Law, in which case they would have a cause to have him arrested.
You can find
teachings that Jesus did on divorce in Matthew 19 and Mark 10. The
Pharisees asked Jesus if he believed that it was lawful for a man to "put
away" and "separate" from his wife for any reason. Jesus,
almost reminiscent of a really good politician, didn't answer the question
directly, but rather told them what was written, particularly before the law.
Jesus talked about how God originally planned for it to be in the
beginning, which brings us to original intent. We can learn a lot from
studying God's original intent, which would greatly bring down the divorce rate
in the world if we'd do it.
Here are the
talking points from the Genesis account (Gen. 1:27, 2:23-24) that created
the institution of marriage the way God planned for it to be.
1. "He
which made them at the beginning..." First and foremost God
has to make them "at the beginning" of the relationship, implying
that God has to be an integral part of each partner's life.
2. "...made
them male and female..." Don't get it twisted, God DID intend for
marriage to be between male and female, not male and male, and not female and
female.
3. "For
this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh." This statement alone is
one of the most missed rules of marriage. People make the mistake of not making their spouse
a priority once they get married. Then if they do an “o.k.” job in making
their spouse a priority, the two people still go through life as separate
individuals with their own separate bank accounts, separate cars and
other assets, etc. Many times this is a result of distrust or bad
upbringing. Marriage is designed to work with both partners being one
with each other socially, financially, mentally and physically (hooray for
sex!). Many people end up in divorce because they are breaking these
three foundational laws of the institution of marriage. Jesus continues to
reiterate, "wherefore, they are no more twain, or two separate individuals,
but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together (or “made”, i.e. this
original intent or the institution of marriage), let no man put asunder (or depart
from).”
As an aside,
many people contend that “let no man put asunder” reinforces the idea that God
hates divorce and imply that Jesus was 100% against divorce, and therefore
divorce is a sin. However, I
contend that this phrase is describing the “institution of marriage” rather
than the individual marriage of two particular people. For instance, the preacher may say at
the marriage ceremony, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder”
to imply that no one should break up this particular singular marriage. However the first question should be,
“Did God put these two people together?”
In most cases, the answer is no.
God didn’t put most people together. Most people get married after they’ve had sex and some even
after the birth of a child due to a broken condom or the lack of a condom. Since God’s idea was that we’d wait
until we get married to have sex, we can conclude that most marriages entered into
this way are not his plan, but rather our fix for something that happened. The Greek word used for asunder both in
Mark and Matthew is the word “chorizo” which in every other place it is used is
translated with the sense of “depart from” rather than the sense of separate.
It is also
interesting to note that the Greek word Jesus used for “joined together” (suzeugnumi) is only used in those verses and found no where else in the
bible to mean join together in the sense of joining two people together. So for it to mean the same thing as two
people being joined together, it would seem that another Greek word would have
been used as Paul used it in Ephesians 4:16
From whom the whole body fitly joined together (sunarmologeo) and compacted by that which every joint
supplieth…
Or another
word as used in 1 Cor. 1:10;
but that ye be
perfectly joined together (katartizo) in the
same mind and in the same judgment.
So the point
here is, to use this as another rule against divorce rather a rule against
doing away with the institution of marital covenant (the way God intended for
it to be from the beginning, since that’s what Jesus was talking about,) may be
an error on our parts.
After Jesus
tells the Pharisees how it was supposed to be from the beginning, the Pharisees
ask, "Well,
why did Moses (God’s spokesman) then command to give a writing of divorcement?”
Jesus gives
the reason, “because of your stubbornness (hardness of heart) he allowed
a [proper] way for you to separate from your wives, but from the beginning it
wasn't supposed to be this way”.
Now here is
the part of scripture that is putting so many people in bondage. Jesus
says in verse 9, "And I say unto you, Whosoever
shall put away his wife, except it be for
fornication, and shall marry another, committeth
adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth
commit adultery. "
In
other words, if you "put away" or "separate" from your wife
for any reason outside of fornication AND you marry another, you are committing
adultery. Everyone could agree that if a man who has been separated from
his wife for 5 years is trying to marry another woman when he’s not legally
divorced from his wife, is just wrong.
Now to get the gravity of this like we'll see the disciples got when
they responded in verse 10 after hearing Jesus say this, you have to
realize that they all were living under the law.
Back
in those days, if you were married, and you found out your wife had sex with
another man (or woman for that matter), your wife would get stoned to death and
there wouldn't be a need for divorce, because she would be dead because she
committed adultery by fornicating with another man. So in that case, you
could go ahead and marry another woman. However, if you "put
away" or separate from your wife without giving her a legal divorce, but
you go have sex with someone else, you are now committing adultery. The
penalty for adultery again is stoning. So now as a man who doesn't
want to have sex with his legally married wife, but goes after a prostitute or
another woman will be stoned and killed. So either way you go, somebody's got
to die.
If
another man marries or has sex with your wife before you actually get divorced,
you guessed it, the stoning and boom you're dead.
Remember
that Jesus is using the term "apuluo"
(put away) and not the term "apostasion" (divorce).
Remember that the Pharisees question was "Why
did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement "apostasion", AND to
put her away "apuluo"?
You have to see that there is a difference between divorce and separation (even
a legal separation). A legal separation gives one the right to act
legally as if he's not married for tax and business purposes in the hopes that
the marriage can be reconciled before dissolving the union in divorce.
Jesus DID NOT do away with the command Moses gave about the "bill of
divorcement" or divorce papers and proceedings. In fact he
upheld what Moses said.
I'm
sorry that the translators of many bibles just go all willy-nilly with the word
"divorce" thinking that separation and divorce are the same, but I
can assure you that it is not. There is a distinct feeling when a divorce
becomes final as opposed to when you're just separated. You can ask any person who’s been
through if they’ve felt a distinct difference and I can assure you they have.
For further
study, I've created a companion article with all of the passages that contain
these two words, so that you can see that the two words are indeed different.
Words that the KJV translate from the Greek word "apuluo" are
marked with an asterisk* while the words translated from the Greek word
"apostasion" are marked with a cross† (there's only 3 in the New Testament).
How to Avoid Divorce
I thought it
proper to spend a little time to talk about how to avoid divorce in the first
place before giving the bible reasons for divorce.
First let me
repeat the outline that Jesus gave in Matthew and Mark:
1. "He
which made them at the beginning..." First and foremost God
has to make them "at the beginning" of the relationship, implying
that God has to be an integral part of each partner's life.
2. "...made
them male and female..." Don't get it twisted, God DID intend for
marriage to be between male and female, not male and male, and not female and
female.
3. "For
this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh." This statement alone is
one of the most missed rules of marriage. People make the mistake of not
making their spouse a priority once they get married. Then if
they do an “o.k.” job in making their spouse a priority, the two people still
go through life as separate individuals with their own separate bank accounts,
separate cars and other assets, etc. Many times this is a result of
distrust or bad upbringing. Marriage is designed to work with both
partners being one with each other socially, financially, mentally and
physically (hooray for sex!). Many people end up in divorce because they
are breaking these three foundational laws of the institution of marriage.
Jesus continues to reiterate, "wherefore, they are no more twain, or
two separate individuals, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined
together (or “made”, i.e. this original intent or the institution of marriage),
let no man put asunder (or depart from).”
Other scriptural
guidelines for marriage that should be self-explanatory:
Gal 5:15, Ephesians
5:25-33, 1 Peter 3:1-2
and 4, Titus 2:3-5.
1. Love yourself.
2. Love your spouse.
3. Stop being selfish.
4. Be kind to your spouse.
5. Be respectful to your spouse.
6. Pray with your natural understanding. Don't just tell God about the problem though. He already knows what the problems are. You need to find out what His Words say about marriage, and pray about that and confess those words. Then you need to be quiet and just listen closely to see if He says anything to you. A lot of times we'll pray or talk, talk, talk, talk, then go on about our day or our business, not taking the time to see what God is trying to say. There is no magic amount of time to pray, but you at least need to get quiet and still long enough to hear something from God. You may not hear it right away, but you can be confident that he hears you 1 John 5:14.
7. Pray in the spirit. If you don't believe in talking or praying in tongues, it's just because you don't understand it. If you don't understand praying in tongues, you know you don't understand it. Every Christian has the right to pray in other tongues. Praying in tongues is simply letting your spirit do the talking when you don't know what to pray. Romans 8:26. There are only so many words in the English language and chances are you only know less than half. Let your spirit pray, when you don't know what else to say. But again, after you're done talking in the spirit, stop and get quiet to listen to see if God gives you any instructions. Chances are that He will give something specific and simple, like cook dinner today or stop nagging today.
Reasons for Divorce
There
are a few legal reasons for divorce, however it would be best to avoid getting
to the place of divorce in the first place by following the groundwork as laid
out by God in Gen 2:24.
However, in
some cases, divorce can be a way for many to move from being a victim to having
victory in life. Whenever you have
trouble and temptation in life, God will provide a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13)
“If a man
marries a woman and she does not please him because he has found something
offensive in her, then he may draw up a divorce document, give it to her, and
evict her from his house.” -Deuteronomy 24:1 NET
Now according
to this verse, what is grounds for divorce? He has found something “offensive” about her! That is the law that was written in the
bible for all to read and follow.
Why would God give a command that if a man doesn’t like a woman to give
here a bill of divorcement, if he hated divorce? No, the problem wasn’t divorce as we discovered earlier, the
problem was men back in biblical times committing violence against women, just
because after a time the man began to not like the woman anymore.
We have been
taught that it was only if there was adultery would divorce be legal, but the
law said that if adultery was found, the penalty was death;
And the man that committeth adultery with another
man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer
and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. –Lev. 20:10
What if your
husband doesn’t want to be with you anymore? 1 Corinthians 7:14 gives a pretty clear answer on what to do
there… Keep in mind when reading
this that “depart” here doesn’t mean divorce, but rather Paul is exhorting
married people not to simply walk away from the marriage, but rather be
reconciled to one another.
“And
unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart
from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be
reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to
the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not,
and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman
which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with
her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the
wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your
children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him
depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath
called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy
husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?”
(1Corinthians 7:10-16 KJVS)
Examples where God told someone to get a divorce or
allowed divorce:
Example 1:
Very few people seem to be aware
or recognize the instances where God actually instigates a divorce. Of course the first such instance where
God told a man to divorce a wife was before the law was written in Genesis
21. The back-story is that Sarah
gave to Abraham a servant named Hagar to be his wife (Gen 16:3), because Sarah
figured she was too old to have children to fulfill the thing God had promised
them. Of course as with any
situation where you have two women at odds with one another, things were
getting pretty heated and Sarah, naturally, became jealous of Hagar (Gen
16:4). An of course, Abraham was
right in the middle of the whole situation.
Everything
finally came to a head when Sarah told Abraham to divorce (garash) Hagar because she didn’t want Hagar and her son to share
Abraham’s inheritance (Gen 21:10). The word “garash” used there gives the sense of Sarah
was telling Abraham to annul the agreement and send them both packing. Of course Abraham didn’t want to do
this because he had a son by this woman, and you can imagine how
heart-wrenching this situation was.
So God
comes on the scene and simply tells Abraham to listen to Sarah, and “garash”
Hagar (Gen 21:12). So with
child in tow, Abraham gave Hagar a little food and a care package and sent them
both, mother and child, packing.
However, God being the good God that he is, took care of the woman and
the child, Ishmael, and made him a nation too, since he was Abraham’s seed as
well.
Example
2: Ezra 9 and 10. This was like a mass divorce where the
people of Israel per usual got out of the will of God and married people they
had no business marrying. The
operative verse here would be Ezra 10:3 where the men decide to make a covenant
with God to correct the past mistakes and put away their wives according to the law as prescribed in
Deut 24.
